Sweet Girl, You Are So Much More Than Your Work

This is for you.  Chances are, you need to be reading this right now.

If you have read The Creative Imperative before, you'll know I'm not a writer.  I post lots of pictures to keep your interest and hope you won't notice that I can't write worth a lick.  I'll warn you now:  This is a wordy post with no distractions.  Except that heart above... I had to have one pretty thing for you to look at.

I feel a little like I've been in no man's land ever since I started having kids.  Then it got even worse when I stopped working.  It was an identity crisis of sorts and it has driven me to make things (or think about making things) almost constantly.

I am a "doer" and a "maker".  If I'm not producing I am worthless.  This is what I tell myself over and over until I believe it.  It is a lie.

While I'm at it, here is a bigger lie:  You are only as good as your last piece of work.  I learned this one in art school and it became a sort of black cloud mantra that has followed me around.  What a terrible sentiment, to feel the pressure of needing to be better than you were the day before every day of your life!  Don't get me wrong, growth as a human being is something to strive for.  But we're all going to have bad days; heck, I've even had bad years.  And no one needs that kind of pressure.

When I am still and quiet enough to let the dust settle and hear the Truth being whispered in my ear, this is what becomes clear:  I am a child of God.  I am His.  He delights in my existence and in my worship of Him.  Nothing more.  There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more and I need to be OK with that.

The crazy thing is that this concept could be yelled at me and I still wouldn't hear it... I get that spun up, busy, and out of control when I am in a stage of doing and creating.

I'm making all this noise and nonsense and for what?  It's more than wanting to create beautiful things.  It's so I can get the approval of others.  There, I said it.  Now you know my shadow mission:  It's to make you like me.  I'm worrying that you don't right now and I'll still be worrying about it when I go to sleep tonight.  I might not even know you, but that doesn't make a difference to me.  I just need you to like me and I'm hoping the stuff I do or make will get you to approve of me.

When I see a friend going through their own crisis of purpose, I feel so badly I could cry.  I just want to peel the scales off their eyes so they can see how beautiful they are.  So why can't I believe it for myself?

From what I've seen, this problem runs rampant through the blogging community.  I keep hearing about (and sometimes feeling) this pressure to make, document, keep up, compete.  The more I look for it, the more I find it in everyday life too.  Here is a great post on creativity and competition from a blog also called The Creative Imperative.  You're just going to beat yourself up when you start comparing and very little good can come from that.

Let's make a pact to encourage one another.  Not just for the pretty things we make or the things we do, but for who we are.  As women.  As daughters.  As sisters.

Here is an incredible post on "doing vs. being" from a beautiful woman in every sense of the word.  You've never seen a heart like hers.  Or heard a voice like hers.  Or received a hug like the ones she gives.  Read it here and be inspired.

Are you still with me (even without the pictures or corny sense of humor)?  Let's do this.  Love yourself for who you are.  Other people do and most importantly, God does.  All of my dear friends are people I just like to be near.  I don't hang out with them for what they do or what they make.  And now I need to believe they love me for the same reason.

Blessings,

Jamie

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